Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts

Before Its Time: Ghostrider


Ever get that feeling that everything you love leaves you? I’ve been getting that a lot lately. This is the first of two articles detailing short lived series that were cancelled before their time. After 9.1 (I’ll explain) stellar issues, the newest Ghostrider series has been brought to an early end. And, to be blunt, that sucks. Also: Spoiler alert.
The series began with issue 0.1. Marvel’s .1 program (line? Series? I have no idea) offers new readers a perfect place to jump into any series. A .1 issue will give a brief history and show the general feel of the character. Issue 0.1 of Ghostrider offered a big change as it portrayed Johnny Blaze giving up the rider to Adam (the original. From that garden) and being extremely happy about finally having his curse lifted.
The issues after dealt with the rider finding a new host to carry out its vengeance. This host takes over a young girl named Alejandra that had trained her entire life in the prospect of being chosen. Alejandra takes over the role with a renewed gusto, displaying new abilities that Johnny Blaze never used before, instantly coming off as a much more powerful rider.
Flame boobs: They're a thing
Alejandra’s stint as the rider changes after she rips the sin away from 100+ people in a small central American village, leaving the people as barely alive shells of their former selves. At this point, Alejandra realizes what it means to be the Ghostrider and begins to seek redemption. In the issues following, the reader finds Alejandra confronting her past, attempting to atone for her own sins, and even running afoul of Hawkeye. But, by far, the best of aspect of this comic is the relationship between Johnny and Alejandra.
Alejandra is new to the world, having been raised in a compound in hopes of becoming the Ghostrider one day. She’s also new to this extreme power. In sharp contrast, Johnny is an old pro with the power of The Rider.  He acts excellently as the Mr. Miyagi to Alejandra’s Danial San; only instead of being a very wise Asian man, Johnny is a country bumpkin with an intense love for David Bowie.  It’s a funny dynamic as Blaze becomes use to being without power while Alejandra tries to learn to wield her power.
The series’ life was also extended since it participated in the Circle of Four crossover. This featured Johnny and Alejandra teaming with Venom, Red Hulk, and X-23 to keep the forces of the underworld from sucking down Las Vegas.
I won’t give away how the series ended since I encourage anyone reading this to go pick up the issues or grab the trades when they come out. This series was dreadfully cut short and deserved more than 9.1 issues. So I will wait and see where Alejandra and Johnny pop up next in the Marvel universe. There will definitely be another Ghostrider series on the horizon.  I just hope it can have the quality of work that was put into this series.
So do yourself a favor and grab the trades! Hopefully, if they sell well, we’ll get another series soon enough!

A Final Farewell: Mark Hamill’s Final (Possible) Joker Performance


The argument is constant: who played the best Joker? Jack or Heath? People have varying opinions but there is a large group of people that will say that Mark Hamill (Oh yes, Luke freaking Skywalker) was definitely the best Joker. Honestly, why wouldn’t people think that? He gloriously portrayed the clown prince of crime on Batman: The Animated Series, providing one of the most memorable voices for the character and a truly insane laugh. His time as the Joker easily outlasted crazy Jack or the late, great Ledger.
Hamill reprised his voice for Batman Beyond: Return Of The Joker, Batman: Mask Of the Phantasm, and for both of the recent Batman video games. Once work was finished on Arkham City, Hamill claimed it was going to be his final stint voicing the mad, white faced psychopath. Recently, he went back on that statement when he announced that he’d return a final time if the DC animated universe was to ever create an animated movie based on Alan Moore’s Batman: The Killing Joke.
The Killing Joke is easily the definitive Joker story of all time and one of the best Batman stories ever told; it changed the entire Batman mythos for years to come, proving just how dangerous the clown could be. An animated movie telling this story would be the perfect swan song for Mr. Hamill.
Celebrities like comedian Rufus Hound and cult geek icon Nathan Fillion have even gotten behind the campaign to get this cartoon movie produced. It’s your turn to help.
Luke wants YOU to help with his petition!
The petition is facebook based.  Just go to the page, give it a like, and spread the word:

Petition to get Mark Hamill to play the Joker in animated Killing Joke

If we’re lucky, we might just get one more brilliant performance.

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Spidey Squared? Another Crossover For Marvel


Brian Michael Bendis announced a new crossover recently!
In June, Marvel’s normal universe will be having an inter-dimensional crossover with their ultimate universe. The focal point? Well, the crossover is called Spidermen.
That’s right, Peter Parker will be crossing over with Miles Morales, the 14 year old that took over the mantle after the Ultimate Peter Parker was killed. While Peter is the iconic Spiderman,Miles Morales has become a quick fan favorite. The Ultimate Spiderman series has gone over to amazing reviews. While I haven’t read it myself, I’m curious to see how Miles interacts with the character that made Spiderman a household name.
What will they be battling? What caused the interdimensional rift? Which one can swing faster? These are all questions we’ll have to wait till June to be answered

An Insult To My Childhood – Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City


I’ve reviewed nearly everything under the sun: Comics, TV shows, movies; but now, I’m adding a video game review to that list. Only a very special game could make this happen. It would either have to be one that captured my heart like never before or one that I absolutely abhorred. Unfortunately, this game didn’t so much capture my heart as much as it did eat it, crap it out, and use it to fertilize it’s yard.
I’m talking about Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City. To start off, this game SHOULD NOT qualify as a Resident Evil game.
The original Resident Evil game series involved a lot more exploration and puzzle solving. This abysmal spin off lacked a single puzzle and was almost entirely linear. While Resident Evil 4 (my pick for the single greatest video game to ever exist) and 5 were both more on the linear side, they still worked in the vein of survival horror; building suspense before your skull gets chainsawed off by mad Spaniard with a potato sack on his head. This gamewas not survival horror. It’s a shooter that holds your hand as it you go from one navpoint to the next.
In any other Resident Evil, dogs would howl in the distance before the zombified canines crashed through the window. In this, your teammate says, “Looks like there were dogs here.” Then there they are. Subtle, Capcom. The Dead Space series is a 100 times scarier and it’s mostly jump scares.
RE:ORC follows a six person Umbrella team called “Wolf Pack” into Raccoon City as they clean up by destroying any material that indicates Umbrella had to do with the outbreak. Each member of the team is specialized and has some sort of special abilities. I have no idea what each person’s was since they never came into play or were needed. There was a medic, an explosive experts, some sort of research person. I played as Vector (not to be confused with Spectre), the stealth expert. Being able to turn invisible came in handy once the entire game.
The characters you pick for each mission make no difference. You never need the explosives guy there to blow up something in the way; you never need the medic there to save someone life. They’re just walking meat with heavy weapons attached. Not like this matters, though. In the midst of a battle with some hunters, I turned to run and saw two of my team members intently laying fire into the open side of a bus. Man, I tell you, that thing must have come out of nowhere and scared them because they continued to shoot at it for three minutes while Hunters tore at their backs.
They couldn’t even revive each other. At least the A.I. in Gears of War can sometimes save each other instead of making Marcus hoof it all over the map. 60% percent of my game was running around and holding down the A button to save them. Finally, Capcom promised  each of these characters would have a distinct and memorable personality. Evidently this seemed too unique and got cut.
If that didn’t spell it out for you, the A.I.’s intelligence level is equivalent of a chicken.
Except this chicken. Chickendog is awesome Really, I just found this picture and had to use it.
As for the levels, I felt like I was either always just walking down one long street or through one giant warehouse. It was just constant sameness. Sure, there were a few nostalgia filled moments: I strolled through the RCPD and later found Kendo’s gunshop. But these small moments of “Oh, that’s neat” don’t make up for the endless progression of cover based chest high wall filled hallways.
But why would you need cover? You’re just fighting zombies, right? Not even close.
Most of the game is spent fighting other masked folks with semi-automatic weapons. Whether it be the UBCS or the US Military, you’re always getting shot at by somebody. The zombies are mostly just moving scenery, a travesty for a game the bears the Resident Evil name.
If you don’t watch out, you can actually run out of ammo quite quickly. This is definitely a survival horror aspect. If Jill ran out of ammo in Resident Evil 3, it was only a matter of time before Nemesis arrived to rip your limbs off. This is not the case in ORC. Because your people are HIGHLY TRAINED IN FREAKING KUNG FU. You run out of bullets? Just mash the b button to begin an endless combo of punches, kicks, schanking, and generalized ass kicking. You’re basically invincible against the normal zombies as long as you mash the hell out of that lovely, red button.
The game had a few cool moments: The return of the crimson heads made me excited for just a moment before they returned to being just a faster zombie. A boss fight with TWO Mr. Xs attacking the wolf pack at once. And, my favorite moment, when the Wolf Pack has to FIX NEMESIS by taking him down and rewiring him. As someone that had recurrent nightmares about Nemesis finding me again, the fact that I had to fix him, just so he could go after Jill, was just cruel. These elements were few and far between, providing little relief from the brain dead game mechanics.
Although one time, Nemesis glitched out and began doing the electric slide through a wall. No joke.
This game wanted so hard to be Left 4 Dead. The zombies were the basic horde, the Crimson Heads acted as Hunters, the lickers as smokers, the hunters as chargers, and the newly introduced bile spewing zombies as boomers. It’s just kind of sad that a game series that kick started the genre is having to take cues and rip off of a game it had a hand in creating.
The game was mercifully short with about 8 hours of total game time. Mine was shorter since I constantly got bored and began to just sprint from nav point to nav point just to get through the game.
Ada, Claire, Sherry, and Leon were all in the game but just for brief moments. The final part of the game gives you the choice to kill or defend Leon with the credits immediately rolling after. I chose not to kill him, because, you know, Leon is the freaking man.
Some people might try to argue that the single player wasn’t the main point of the game. So, I took a break from writing this article to try the online. It was glitchy and constantly dropped the game within 2 minutes of getting into it.
Finally, I have one more point to make. This one is more of a personal complaint. My favorite thing to do with video games is to sit on the end of my bed with my best friend and play split screen co-op. Sure, online co-op exists. But it’s so much more fun to be side by side as you laugh at your failures (maybe that’s just us). What I’m getting is that Capcom gave some false advertising with this game. The back of the box says “Online Multiplayer is 2-8” and “co-op 2-4”.  This indicates the co-op (offline) and the online are two different things, leading me to buy it. There was no split-screen co-op and I was quite disappointed. I left a strongly worded message to Capcom. I doubt I’m going get a response. Alas.
In closing, you don’t need to play this game. If you’re a fan of COD or Left 4 Dead, go play those games; they’re better done than this game in their respective ways. If you’re a fan of the Resident Evil Series, then this is more than an insult than anything to the games you remember and love.
I hope Resident Evil 6 doesn’t let me down like ORC did. But Capcom has said they’re hoping to attract COD fans with 6. It makes me sad that my favorite series soon might become just another COD clone with more thought put towards pointless online play than anything
What can I do? At least,  Leon and I will always have Spain.

Post-script: The guy at Gamestop gave me a full refund on the game because he agreed it was a piece of garbage. There is justice in the world, afterall.

Was Kickass 2 Worth the Wait?


October 2010. It was a good time. I was just starting my journey to try to get into nursing school. To put the time into perspective for the rest of you, this was the month Jackass 3D and Secretariat came out in theaters. It was in this month that I picked up the first issue of Kickass 2. I just picked up the last issue of the mini-series last week. It was a 7 issue mini-series. The hell? With a book that was plagued by delays and push backs, it really left me wondering if it was all worth it?
And the comic dates itself.
It depends on how you look at it. Please, just saying: spoilers.
When comparing the complete series to the first, it’s no contest. The first Kickass was much better. It was much more fast paced and the characters were much more fleshed out. Kickass 2’s overall plot was about Dave finding a Justice Leaguesque team of heroes to align himself with. Paralleling this, Red Mist is forming a criminal organization, complete with his own version of Hit Girl named Mother Russia.
Big Daddy and Hit Girl were so developed in the original series. Against this, a majority of the characters of Justice Forever aren’t really developed at all! Some of their origins are told (with Remembering Tommy being the best) but that was only for a few. A good deal of them didn’t even have lines. I really wanted to know more about Night Bitch and Rocket-Man (a man with a jetpack made of Balsa wood. Because, of course.). But, ultimately this was JUST Kickass’s story. I mean that.
Hit Girl was NOT there. For the first five issues of this series, Mindy is listening to her foster father and keeping her nose out of the events happening. She’ll be on a page max. That sucks. While she may or may not be the most memorable character of the series (depending on who you ask), she is definitely the most badass. That was something that was missing from the overall story. While it still had its gore and action, it was missing the pure, balls to the wall insanity that Hit Girl brought to the heroes SO amazingly.
So, if you’re comparing the series as a whole, it really wasn’t worth the wait.
Holy freaking Patrick Swayze’s ghost, was the ending of this mini-series absolutely excellent. Ignoring the existence of the first series, the ending of this series made the waiting through all the delays truly worthwhile. The final issue involves a final showdown between the villains and heroes in Time Squares. Kickass VS Red Mist, Mother Russia vs Hit Girl. It was beyond glorious and really, really assuaged my belief that Millar might be losing his touch.
With the storm of delays that were occurring through Kick Ass 2, I’d told myself I wasn’t going to go for his nextKickass related series until the trade came out. But with the new series due out in June, entitled Hit Girl, there is no way that it’s that’s happening. The ending of Kickass 2 was both too amazing and ended way too well for me to wait a year and half for the entire series. I’d rather crawl through it, feeding my need of having these excellent characters in my life little by little. Of course, I’d rather have a monthly series with these characters but it was Mick Jagger that said we can’t always get what we want.
So do yourself some good and grab the trade of Kickass 2 when it comes out in paperback. I encourage you to check out Hit Girl’s solo series in June.  I imagine it’s going to be pure, canned awesomeness that no comic fan should miss.

Battle Royale VS The Hunger Games


To start off this review, I’m going to be fair. I read The Hunger Games before I saw Battle RoyaleBut I saw Battle Royale before I saw The Hunger Games movie. I both read and saw The Running Man before I did either thing. So if we’re going for originality, The Running Man came out in ’85 so it trumps both. But it’s not my job to decide which movie is better – rather, we’ll be looking at what they have in common, what’s different, and which movie is for which people?
Since The Hunger Games came out, it’s been drawing comparisons to Battle Royale. Games writer Suzanne Collins claims she had never heard of Koushun Takami’s tale. Both are stories with the government sanctioning a group of teenagers into an arena to fight to the death as punishment. The participants are given a variety of weapons and in both films, there’s a tale of lovers. Both are a commentary on television and its influence in the future.
So much for sleeping for the next four months.
While there are some DEFINITE similarities in the plots of the moves, they are very different stylistically. To put it in a way everyone can understand, this is how I feel about the two movies: The Hunger Games is a love story with an action plot tacked on; Battle Royale is an action flick with a love story tacked on. I never felt like there was massive chemistry between Shuya and Noriko but that may just be my opinion. The love between Peeta and Katniss is at the forefront throughout all the action, taking up a majority of the movie.
Although...this definitely gets The Hunger Games a few extra points.
Another big difference is the general feel of these movies. Battle Royale feels so much more gritty and realistic than Hunger Games does; it feels like something that an imperialistic government could really do. Making the lowest scoring class fight to death would be a FANTASTIC motivator to get scores up. The participants act very much like real children would act in this situation as they try to form alliances and seek a way out.  Meanwhile, Games feels like a fantasy world: A strange land called Panem complete with strange creatures such as Mockingjays and Trackerjackers. The people in the Capital of Panem have strange technologies and even stranger fashions that just make it seem like a different world altogether.
Of course, The Hunger Games was a teen novel. This didn’t stop it from being dark and illustrating the deaths in a very Kingesque fashion. Since the novel was written for teens, that means the movie had to be PG-13 (the worst thing that can happen to ANY “action” movie). The Hunger Games was quite tame in the actual death scenes. It uses an AWFUL shaky camera to cover up the kills. I’ve made it through Cloverfield and every other POV without problem but the shaky camera in the final fight of Games made me feel queasy.  Meanwhile, Battle Royale showed every single, glorious death in a fashion that a movie of the genre should. That’s what makes it the true action movie of the two.
By showing every death, Battle Royale feels a bit like a satire and a comedy. By showing the deaths that make the audience hurt and the ones that are ridiculous, the movie teaches a lesson. Despite running a similar plot, The Hunger Games is a story about a single character and her journey. Without fail, it almost never leaves Katniss’ point of view. We never see what the players that aren’t in her general vicinity are doing. We don’t even see the death of the rest of the characters.  By sticking with her from start to finish (for the most part), we focus on the changes in the character and the love story, leaving little room for satire.
A small detail I must bring up, the time limit in the game/program. In The Program in Battle Royale, the kids are given three days or they all die. In The Hunger Games, the game can drag on as long as needed. AND wow, did the movie drag on! The areas between the action scenes are either part of the Twilightesque love story or just filler of Katniss sitting around in trees or taking care of Peeta. I much preferred how Battle Royale jumped STRAIGHT into the arena. I kept looking at my watch to check the time in Games since a hour passed before they got into the arena.
So which movie is for who? The Hunger Games is for people that enjoy their romance with a twist. The Hunger Games, like Twilight, has the love triangle. Instead of Bella-Edward-Jacob, this time we have Katniss-Peeta-Gale. Ignoring the comparison, The Hunger Games is a vast improvement over the Twilight flicks. It’s not a bad movie and is worth at least a watch. It’s by no means bad! But if you’re looking for a hardcore action movie, this isn’t what you need.
For a hardcore action movie, Battle Royale is up among the best. But even more than just an action movie, it has something that The Hunger Games doesn’t: dark humor. My best friend and I watched Battle Royale just the other night and laughed hysterically at the “no whispering” part and the absurdity of getting stuck with a pot lid as a weapon (We were both laughing at a kill in The Hunger Games but we were the only ones. Maybe we’re twisted).
See, it's funny because....Well, actually, just watch watch the movie. If I try to explain it, I'll definitely come off like a sociopath.
All in all, the comparisons are just. The plots are SUPER similar but, ignoring that, the movies themselves are quite different. Everyone is going to have their favorite, which is okay. With that said, I’m off to watch The Running Man.
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Vertigo’s New #1: Saucer Country


You know, DC’s Vertigo line has given me a lot of great comic series. These include, but are not limited to,TransmetropolitanY: The Last Man, Preacher,  The Losers, and 100 Bullets (Which I’m still working through). Vertigo offers  the absolute best in non superhero comic story telling. So, I keep a watchful eye out on their new series so I could get in on the ground floor and follow it instead of playing catch-up with trade paperbacks years laters. This search led me to a new series called Saucer Country.
The series is written by Paul Cornell. You may know him for writing the first six issues of Stormwatch with the DC Reboot but he’s probably best known for writing some Doctor Who episodes (Cornell penned the Eccleston ledFather’s Day and the Family of Blood two parter).  The art is done by Ryan Kelly, an artist I personally don’t know; he’s known for doing the art on Brian Wood’s Local.
How I yearn for season 3. Cornell, come take over for Moffat. Please.
I knew very little about Saucer Country going into it. From what I read, it seemed like some sort of odd amalgamation of Sci-Fi and a Political thriller. X-Files meets The West Wing? From this point on, this review may contain some SPOILERS. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
The series centers on the Mexican-American governor of New Mexico, Arcadia Alvarado, a Democrat that has decided to run for the presidency of the United States. The night before she’s scheduled to declare her candidacy she awakens from a daze in a car with her ex-husband. Imagery of the stereotypical aliens plague her mind as she tries to brush it off and prepare for her announcement. Throughout it all, Arcadia proves to be a witty character with quick back and forth with her staff.
A side story involves a Harvard professor that it very interesting in UFO Lore and the visual hallucinations that he’s begun to see and talk to. I’m assuming that he’ll later figure into Arcadia’s plot as a less good looking Fox Mulder type.
Governor Alvarado makes her speech, rousing the crown with powerful words as she declares her candidacy. Immediately after the declaration, Arcadia confides in her two closest advisers and tells them that she was abducted and that the planet is being invaded. The comic ends.
I’m not sure what to make of this series. It has a strong, compelling story that really drew me in and the art is strong and bright. It definitely looks like it has promise, especially if it blends its Sci-Fi elements into today’s current political issues. I’m definitely going to keep picking it up for the time being and am hoping for great things. With Cornell’s magnificent writing, I don’t see it disappointing anytime soon.

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The Human Torch and Why Character Death No Longer Matters in Comics.



You know, Marvel, you’re really starting to bother me. I started with Marvel and have never been so disillusioned. I’m not just in comics for the art or because I like superhero stuff; more than anything, I like a good, well told story with emotional highs and lows with a lot of character development. And Marvel just doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore. What started me on the subject? The Human Torch.
In the months leading to 2011, the comic world found itself being hit by an extremely minimalist campaign (seen below)
Nothing more, nothing less. But this image told the entire story to comic fans and it was brilliant. And it all came to head in March 2011. My comic store was packed and they had to restrict people to only buying one issue per person. When I got home and read it, I was sad to see it was the Human Torch that bit the bullet. But he went out in a quite literal blaze of glory that was truly the only way such a noble hero could go as he fought an army that was a billion strong. Looking back over the pages now, tears still come to my eyes as Johnny makes his last stand.
In the issues after, the mourning of the other members was shown and it was well done. The issue immediately after almost had no dialogue and beautifully portrayed the grief of someone that just lost a loved one. The entire Marvel universe was rocked with even Dr. Doom attending the funeral. After that,  the series reformed with FF, with Spiderman taking Johnny Storm’s place. While gone, Torch was not forgotten as the family members still had a very obvious hole in their lives. It was interesting to see the first family of Marvel dealing with these pains. The death was treated very realistically, something comics don’t often do.
AND NONE OF IT FUCKING MATTERED.
Because he’s back. Or, rather, he was never gone. Evidently, he was never killed in the neutral zone and has been alive the whole time. I honestly find myself wondering if the writer planned this or just pulled it out of his ass to boost sales. The way they treated Johnny’s death made it seem like it was pretty final and lead the reader and the reader’s emotions to believe that too. Yet they pull the old, stupid switcheroo.
And this leaves me feeling like that the marvel writers are no better than Soap Opera writers that kill off characters only to get a cheap rise from the audience; to tug cheaply at the heart strings only to bring the character back the next week and say, “That was my twin brother that actually died.” It’s cheap and pointless.  The character’s resurrection means nothing and the death, in retrospect, is pointless. The same goes for how quickly Captain America, Cable, and others were brought back. I’m waiting for Ultimate Peter Parker to come back and kick Miles Morale’s ass out of the Spiderman mantle.
DC is usually (not always. IE, Batman) better about letting their character’s deaths and resurrection mean something. Kevin Smith’s Quiver brought back Green Arrow and showed what a man out of his time he was. And even more excellently, there are Geoff John’s masterpiece Green Lantern: Rebirth and Flash: Rebirth (Although Flash: Rebirth wasn’t ACTUALLY when Flash comes back, it’s him getting back to his normal self RIGHT after his resurrection). DC comics let Barry Allen stay dead for over TWENTY years. Marvel would be doing setting the bar if they let one of their Non-Uncle Ben characters stay dead for twenty months.
I’m not saying that this makes DC any better or worse. I just think that DC has some better writing behind them. People remember the epic return of Ollie West, Barry Allen, and Hal Jordan.  Marvel’s resurrections don’t often have such prominence. I won’t stop reading Marvel comics by any means. I’m just disappointed in them

Crossed: Ennis VS Lapham


I love Garth Ennis. I just had to get that out there before I really got into the meat of this review. I powered through the entirety of Preacher in just a few months, loved The Chronicles Of Wormwood, and NOBODY, and I mean nobody, can write The Punisher better than him. His work is gritty and often graphic. Despite twisted visceral stories, Ennis is often able to populate these dark stories with likeable characters that the reader empathizes with even more as they go through their harsh struggles in this dark world.
Sorry, the fanboy moment is done.
In 2010, Garth Ennis penned Crossed; a ten issue mini-series that was a twist on the increasingly popular zombocalypse . Instead of a plague of the undead taking the Earth by storm, Ennis’ world was inhabited by The Crossed: people that, once infected, give into their inner depravity and begin to kill, maim, rape, and do anything else that comes into their sick minds. Retaining mostly-normal intelligence, the Crossed can still drive, shoot, and lay traps. This makes the world far more dangerous for survivors than fighting off brain-dead zombies.
Crossed is published through Avatar Press, a comic company that prides itself on having absolutely no limits with censorship. Proof: they’re the people that were doing the freaking Caligula comic last year. After Crossedconcluded, Ennis moved on to focus on other work;  but the success of it lead to (with Ennis’ permission) a new writer taking over and doing some more mini-series that are set in the same world with new characters. Enter David Lapham.
That’s the crux of today’s review, comparing Ennis’ and Lapham’s interpretations of comics set in the same universe. From here on out, there will be images that may not be safe for the workplace.
The original Crossed began following Stan, a converse wearing, genuine everyman whose occupation is never revealed. The story begins at his first contact with infected people in a dazzling scene as a town goes mad, ending with a nuclear reactor explosion blinding half the town’s people.  After this initial encounter, the rest of the series jumps in time from issue-to-issue, following Stan’s ever-dwindling group of survivors as they travel north. Ennis has a central theme as he writes this work: In a world full of monsters, we ourselves begin to lose our humanity. The message is subtle, but it’s there.
This original series manages to incorporate in some pretty nice elements, even in it’s twisted world. There’s the friendship between Stan Thomas, the scene with the wolves, and, my favorite touch, a mother still trying to teach her son to be polite through an apocalypse that brings people to their worst.
Although, the wait at Walmart drives most folks to this.
David Lapham has written two mini-series in the Crossed universe, Crossed: Family Values and Crossed: Psychopath. I’ve yet to read, and have no plan to read, Family Values.
Crossed: Psychopath begins with four survivors finding a fifth survivor named Harold. Harold tells them that he’s a scientist that was being transported to a military instillation to find a cure to the infection. The reader, through Harold’s narration, knows this is totally bogus. As the 6 issue series progresses, we learn more and more about the strange protagonist.  He’s a sexually disturbed lunatic that had just abducted, sedated, and raped a woman he was obsessed with when The Crossed attacked. The Crossed defiled his “beloved” with a gardening tool, chopping off her breasts and keeping them as souvenirs.  Harold is on a heroic journey to get them back. Oh yes, this man gives Frodo a run for his money as a journey driven hero. I had to wash my hands after typing that last sentence.
He begins killing off the other survivors one-by-one, continually pinning it on The Crossed. The reader soon learns that aside from murder and rape, his other hobbies include chopping off women’s lips and wearing them as cock rings. Not kidding. I enjoy anti-heroes as much as anyone, but this guy is far beyond that realm.
There is so many things wrong with this comic. I forced myself to keep reading, in hopes that Harold would get his comeuppance; that the final survivor (Amanda) would realize what an evil creature he is and kill him and emerge as the hero. But no! Harold tries to feed his beloved’s breast (which he finally gets back. Sadly, it didn’t save the world) to Amanda before she bites off his lips and takes off into the night. The series ends with him setting off after her.
There is such a good thing as taking something too far. Ennis gingerly steps over the line to make points with the twisted. Lapham catapults himself over the line for the sake of it. There is nothing redeeming about the comic. Who is the reader suppose to root for in this comic? A sexually depraved guy (by choice) or sexually violent beings (by disease)? Maybe this was the point Lapham was going for but it did not make for a pleasurable read. I forced myself to keep going each month just so I could do this damn review. It just continued to be fucked up for the sake of being fucked up. The characters were beyond awful, the story was surprisingly dull for an apocalypse story, and the art was hindered like the ones shown below.
Ew.
I’m not saying this because I’m some Garth Ennis die hard fanboy; if he had never written the first series ofCrossed and I was just reading Psychopath, I’d still say this. Crossed: Psychopath is the worst comic I have ever had the displeasure read. Sure, I’ve read all kinds of silly and stupid tripe, but this series is just putrid, vile and sadistic for the sake of it, with nothing that a person who claims to have sanity could find interesting.
Even with Ennis returning to pen a bi-weekly Crossed series, I’m not going to pick it up. I’m going to save the money and put it towards Birds of Prey. A bad experience can ruin it all. While I probably will read the excellent first series, I’m going to be shoving Psychopath to the bottom of my collection in hopes of forgetting about them.
If you’re interested in a quick mini-series, I can encourage you to grab the first series. But beyond that, you should avoid it. Seriously, you’re better than that.

An Insult to my Childhood – Jurassic Park: Dangerous Games


Every once, in a long while, something comes along and adds something good worth mentioning to our childhood memories. After a childhood spent watching the madness occurring in Springfield, The Simpsons Movie was something that was a pleasure to see. The same thing can be said about people that grew up with Tim Burton’s Batman movies as they watch Christopher Nolan’s Batman films. But for everything that’s good, there’s always so much bad: The Phantom Menace, Batman & Robin, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and, of course, The Transformers movie series. But, I have recently found something that tops all of those in stupidity.
Jurassic Park: Dangerous Games hails from IDW, usually known for their rather excellent adaptations of licensed material.  Sadly, this mini-series is not one of those excellent adaptations. Having seen Jurassic Park in theatres at age 3 (and living in fear of the raptors under my bed until late last year), I was rather excited to see how it transferred to comic form. This comic promised a return to Isla Nublar, the original island from the first movie. I envisioned our hero seeing some of the old carnage from the first. Hell, maybe this would answer what happened to that geeky dude’s shaving cream can, right!?!?
Wrong.
Our story follows this guy whose name is actually escapes me right now.  Since it’d be too much effort for me to get up and check the comic, I’m going to call him Juan Valdez.  Juan works for the FBI and is trying to infiltrate a Central American drug ring as a mole. This particular drug ring is SO unbelievably badass that their headquarters is centered in the old Ingen compound on Isla Nublar, from the first Jurassic Park movie.
Of course, the drug ring figures out that Juan Valdez is a mole, captures him, and takes him to the island. The head of the drug ring (whose name also escapes me; seriously, this comic is uber bland and forgettable) tells Juan Valdez that he’s giving him a knife and releasing him onto the island with a 12 hour head start before the drug runners head after him to kill him.
At this point, I could really get behind this comic. This is a vaguely cool concept. Sure, I have a hard time believing that a drug ring would EVER think putting their base on an island full of FUCKING dinosaurs was a good idea; but comic books take a certain suspension of disbelief. But, then this comic takes a turn for the unbelievably silly.
Juan Valdez meets a girl out in the wild (whose name I also can’t remember. This is quite sad) that worked on the island when Jurassic Park first opened.  She specialized in the embryonic development of the dinosaurs. She usually worked with the raptors. Therefore, a good deal of the creatures attached themselves to her as their Mother after they were born. This makes sense. But now she can control EVERY FUCKING RAPTOR ON THE ISLAND.

I can calculate this cover as the point I went "Oh God, why am I doing this review?"
She controls them by giving them verbal commands. Now, I could buy that she could train them roll over and sit, MAYBE. But the fact that these very instinct based creatures won’t eat Juan Valdez hours after she gave the command? I call BS. But that’s not even the strangest part of the whole ordeal. Crazy Raptor Lady (CRL, for short) tells Juan Valdez that he must be “Judged” by the island.
It was at this point that I facepalmed and screamed, “IT’S NOT LOST” so loudly that my neighbors came to check on me.
So, CRL takes Juan Valdez to this clearing filled with bones of the dead and leaves him there. Suddenly, a freaking T-Rex emerges from the jungle and begins running towards Juan Valdez. I smiled an evil smile at this point, hoping that this comic would soon end! Yet, the T-Rex stops and observes him before returning to the jungle. Evidently, the beast deemed him worthy?
I’m going to gloss over the rest of the comic quickly since it can cause a migraine. After this, Juan Valdez has a very Leon/Krauser knife fight with the drug head’s lead henchman that was actually well done and the high point of the mini-series. But, after that, the comic goes back to being ridiculous. CRL and Juan Valdez stage an assault on the drug ring’s compound , complete with her RIDING ON TOP OF A FUCKING TRICERATOPS. Words can’t express the silliness of this. So here’s a picture:
After that, the comic makes sure to get in one more silliness stab as the head of the drug ring reveals that he has a remote control stegosaurus, controlled via electrical collar. After Juan Valdez disables it, he and the CRL capture the drug lord. Juan Valdez, very fairly, no longer gives a shit about capturing the drug lord, takes the helicopter keys and leaves. After, Juan Valdez goes off on a motorcycle, gets chased by two T-rexs (no scene involving motorcycles and T-Rexs should EVER be boring, but it managed), and escapes the island in the helicopter.

Have no fears! This totally awesome looking scene only lasts two pages.

The series ends with the drug kingpin being left in the magic clearing by the CRL and being deemed unworthy as the T-Rex eats the crap out of him.
Oh yeah, spoiler alert. Don’t get mad. You were never going to read this.
This comic was miserable. It was dull, uninteresting, and failed to understand why Jurassic Park was such a hit.Jurassic Park portrayed how humans and dinosaurs would interact in modern days, very realistically. This comic takes a “magical” angle with a lady being able to control some dinosaurs and a T-Rex judging people as worth or not. That’s just not needed and really destroyed what could have been a vaguely decent comic series
I read at one point that this comic was based on a failed movie script.
Thank the Lord it failed.